They say time flies with kids. "They grow up so fast," they say. I feel like I'm already experiencing that and our baby hasn't even been born yet. These past nine months have flown by. (I'll be officially nine months pregnant in two days.)
I feel the need to write about pregnancy now before I forget what it was like. So, a few thoughts...
It's really been a breeze. I've heard horror story upon horror story of pregnancy. A good friend we met here in Thailand battled with severe nausea/vomiting her ENTIRE pregnancy. I got migraines quite a bit in the first trimester that made me feel miserable and pukey, but they only lasted a few weeks. Since then, there have been a few fluke tummy troubles, but overall I've had very little "morning sickness."
As for other classic symptoms, I'm just starting to experience minor swelling in my feet hands (not every day, and mostly at night). It's insanely hot here, so if I'm doing ANY kind of physical activity in a non-air-conditioned room (and by physical activity I mean anything as labor-UNintensive as washing the dishes), I begin to sweat profusely within five minutes. I have never been so grateful for air-conditioning. Seriously. I sincerely thank God above for air conditioning every.single.day.
I also haven't really had the emotional ups and downs you sometimes hear about with pregnancy. Maybe Alex will tell you a different story... haha. But really, I've been fairly put together. God's going really easy on me with this little guy. Maybe he's preparing me for a hellion. Haha. We'll find out soon enough!
On the internal/introspective side, pregnancy has been... weird. I guess I thought I would feel a lot more. I thought I would automatically feel super connected to this life inside of me and be overwhelmed with daydreams of watching him sleep, eat, grow up, get married, etc...
I do think about those things sometimes, but not nearly as much as I thought I would. I think my overarching thought throughout this entire process is simply, I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M HAVING A BABY!
I'm not THAT young. My mom was 25 when she had my older sister. My sister and my best friend both already had two kids by the time they were my age. But somehow I still barely feel old enough to be married and living independently, let alone be responsible for a fragile, human life.
I am nervous. I am excited. One thing I do think about a lot is how I'm so glad to have the partner I have with me going into this.
Alex and I just celebrated three years of marriage together. He planned a "staycation" for us here in Chiang Mai to celebrate our anniversary. We spent one night at a cute little place downtown near the night market. We walked around the streets and shops that we always drive by but never stop in, and checked out cafés and restaurants we'd never noticed before. We live in a great city. The next day, Alex took me to the big fabric market downtown (shop after shop, floor-to-ceiling, wall-to-wall fabric!) and let me get a bunch of fabric to "play" with while I figure out the sewing machine the Rathmells have graciously loaned us. I was elated. He's so good to me. And now we have one pot-holder and about 20 wonky, mismatched coasters. Baby steps, right?
But back to Mr. Lovely. I'm mostly looking forward to 2 things about having this baby on the outside of my (ever-expanding) body:
1. I can't wait to see what he'll look like! Alex and I are both half-Japanese and half-white. The baby will most likely look pretty much how we look - like a halfsie. BUT it's genetically possible for little guy to look super Caucasian (my dad and his mom both had pale blonde hair and super light eyes as kids). Or... he could look totally Asian. I'm just excited to see his face. I hope he gets Alex's nose. Alex was a super cute little kid. He still is. :)
2. Even more than seeing our baby's tiny face, I can't wait to see Alex as a dad. I feel like some people were made to be parents. I'm not one of those people. My college roommate was an elementary education major and now she teaches little kids and I know she's amazing because she's just perfect for that job. I still don't know what I was "made" to do or be, and I think Alex is the perfect candidate for a great many things, but one of those is definitely being a dad.
He's so great with kids. He's practically still one himself! ;) Seriously though, he's playful, energetic, fun, hilarious, creative, and so loving. It's obvious to everyone around him. Even our cat can tell he loves her. He's totally her favorite. He pretends not to like her but gets this satisfied smile when she cuddles with him at night. It's adorable. I can't even imagine what he'll be like with his own son. I'm just excited I get to share that with him.
Don't get me wrong - I'm excited to be a mom, too. I really am. I don't think I'll be terrible at it. I hope I'll be fairly decent. But I am just so excited to see Alex as a dad.
A few super wonderful friends threw me a baby shower yesterday. We played a game where I had to answer questions about pregnancy and parenting. One of the questions was, "What do you think Alex's reaction will be when baby arrives?"
I said, "He'll probably be awesome. He'll be super happy and he might tear up a little. Then he might carry our baby around the hospital wing over his head like Rafiki presenting Simba in The Lion King. You just never know with him."
Jen Rathmell said, "He's going to burst. He's just going to burst."
I think she's right.
So that's what's going on in my head nowadays. I'm going to be a mother. There is a tiny human being INSIDE MY BODY. RIGHT NOW. There are going to be TWO boys in my house now. Alex and I are going to be bonded in a way we've never been bonded before. We're going to go from The Sartores - happily married couple, to The Sartores - family of three.
I'm excited.
I'm nervous.
I'm 38 weeks and 5 days pregnant.
I'm so grateful.
I'll keep you posted. :)
Until next time,
Jess